What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 30.06.2025 00:18
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Have you ever lost any respect for someone instantly?
Would this be the day?
We were not on the streets..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Has your wife or girlfriend ever been felt up in public by a stranger?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Ive learnt so much.
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I was 9 years of age.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How likely is it to make a living out of being a window cleaner in a Nordic country?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
What are some examples of a threat to democracy in India?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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(And it was in our own minds.)
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
What does the Turkish word çıplak mean?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Is dating in college necessary? Why and why not?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What did i know ?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
How are Hinduism and Sikhism related, considering they both originated in Punjab, India?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It was going to be , some day.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She wouldn,t have been !
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I said to her
Im still living with it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was in good health!
But, we were locked up after school.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was very sick at this time too.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why did i forgive my father ?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She loved him until the end.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Comes on , in middle age.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He knew the spot.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
All the time i was locked up.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it wasn’t much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I don,t even have a pension.
I think the readers, may guess!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I have no regrets .
I will be 64.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One cannot live in the past .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We all went to grammer schools
So, i spoilt her more .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I write beautiful poetry .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So whats the point in blame.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was seconnd youngest,
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She married twice! .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Put me off passion for life!!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She found it foreign!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
This is soul school!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My family never makes their pension either.
I was scared of men, in general
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Who then, do I blame.?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As i do to all so called friends.?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
When she asked me how she looked .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He resisted the act ,that day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And i lived it daily.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Was to survive, this bastard.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My life is so biszare .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.